1. Eating for Two is a Myth
I was beyond excited to finally have an endless stomach and eat whatever I wanted whenever and always have an excuse. Apparently, the average extra calorie intake should only be 350 calories per day. This is the same as eating one sleeve of PopTarts (two pastries).
2. Sleeping Comfortably is Impossible Regardless of Bump Size
Before becoming pregnant, my go-to sleep position was on my stomach with my leg up. I would pay pretty good money to be able to do that now. One of my first pregnancy purchases was a U-shaped pillow, and it has been one of my best investments. When my boyfriend isn't moving the arms of it that keep my on my side throughout the night to cuddle, my back and belly are held in place effortlessly. Unfortunately, I am getting to the point where rolling from one side to the other leaves me as breathless as running up the stairs at work.
3. Forget About Your Favorite Methods of Reducing Stress
What I wouldn't do for a steaming hot bath and watermelon White Claw after a long day of growing a human. Getting an afternoon blended energy drink to keep me going? In my dreams... Those contain well over the 200mg limit I have. Going for a run or having an extra long workout? My lungs no longer have the capacity. I guess I will stick with listening to music or screaming.
4. Foods That Made Me Throw Up in the First Trimester Will Never Taste the Same
Must I go on?
5. Bathroom Runs are Constant
I'm really looking forward to not having to waddle to the bathroom 20 minutes after every time I sip my water. I really need to invest in a toilet putting-practice golf game.
6. Hair. Everywhere.
As thrilled as I am about the hair on my head growing faster and fuller than I can maintain, I had no idea I could grow (this much) hair in places like my upper abdomen, shoulders, or below my chin. I feel like a monkey. On top of that, I can't effectively shave anything below my waist!
7. Lightning Crotch
There's no nice way to put it, occasionally it feels like someone is trying to scrape the inside of my hoo-hah with a cactus. It's like vaginal period cramps on crack.
8. Extra Hormones Don't Make You Extra Horny
Try the opposite. I feel bad for my man because I'm only ever in the mood every fourteen days or so. Maybe not that little, but damn near. On top of that, sex can get pretty uncomfortable between finding a position that doesn't squish the baby/add extra weight to my body and the extra blood flow in that area that can cause lady-parts to swell.
9. Self Love is Complicated
I have felt out of my own body for six months now. I can't remember what it was like to look in the mirror and not compare myself to other pregnant bodies/my pre-baby body. Little steps towards learning to love and live with my new body feels like learning a foreign language.
10. How Easy it is to Fall in Love with Someone the Size of a Cantaloupe
As much disgusting and uncomfortable things my body is going through, nothing beats feeling those kicks and nudges throughout the day as he grows and gets cozy.